Stingy Simon doesn’t give anyone his last Rolo
never gives anyone a lift
doesn’t do anyone a favor
miserable bloody git.
he doesn’t buy birthday presents
reuses old Christmas cards
but he does do his bit for the environment
never takes showers or baths.
He doesn’t put the heating on
even when its minus ten degrees.
or put the toilet seat down
but claims he never pees
he doesn’t tip waiters
but if he has to, not much
still, he is very continental
he always going Dutch.
but when I needed a kidney
he was at the front of the queue
to ask if he could have my laptop
if I didn’t come through.